Whining Cubs are the bad actors The Cubs are embarrassing themselves as the game's biggest collection of little boys. They are thinking about everything but baseball.

I realize baseball is an excruciating mental exercise, testing aman's resolve pitch after pitch, inning after inning, game aftergame, month after month, season after season. I also realize manyplayers don't have an education beyond the high school level andthink the boundaries of world perspective are two foul lines, withthe resin bag and pine-tar rag serving as powerful metaphysicalforces.

Still, I come today to remind the Cubs that they are embarrassingthemselves as the game's biggest collection of little boys. Whileaway at the Olympics, I figured they might get a grip on theirneuroses, settle into a professional rhythm and assume a five-gamelead in the National League wild-card race. But I return to find themobsessed with the same umpires, the same media people and the samepetty oneupsmanship games involving opponents.

They are thinking about everything but baseball. They are exposinga disturbing lack of maturity and daily mental toughness. They mighthave more head cases per clubhouse than any team in sports. And ifthey don't pull together and assemble a stretch of poised, no-nonsense, ready-for-October performances, they might go down as themost disappointing Cubs team of all.

That is a mouthful, I know, recalling 1969, 1984 and 2003 asbloody memories. But have you ever seen a North Side team with somuch talent and so much opportunity buckling under its own sillycauses? It's nice to see the Cubs, under the Rev. Johnnie B. Baker,shed their cuddly, feeble image. Yet they have taken their new actmuch too far, morphing from lovable losers to whiny winners. Despitea jittery bullpen short of character -- Kyle Farnsworth just took thelead over LaTroy Hawkins for Flake of the Year -- the Cubs shouldhave more than enough juice to seize the flaws of the Giants, Padres,Astros and Marlins.

So why am I believing they could choke this thing away?

Never mind the 5-2 victory Monday night over the (homeless) Expos,who are so lousy that Washington, D.C., may not want them upon closerinspection. Intelligent sectors of Cubdom remain concerned aboutuptight events in the Houston series, which exposed new issues andexacerbated existing conditions. It isn't really the point whetherLance Berkman wins an Oscar, a Golden Globe or a part in VincentGallo's next epic. What annoys me is how the Cubs got so worked upabout his acting job. Although replays show he wasn't struck in thehead by a Mike Remlinger purpose pitch, Berkman pretended he wasbeaned by crumbling to the ground and clutching his helmet in fakepain. This prompted the Astros to retaliate by hitting Derrek Lee inthe back with two out in the ninth inning. It was the final chapterof a retaliatory series and season against Houston, but the Cubsshould have dismissed Berkman as a goof and not given his anticsfurther thought.

Instead, they turned it into another overwrought crusade.Establishing the tone, as usual, was Baker. "He deserves an Oscar.That's pretty good acting," the manager volunteered. Which, in turn,gave Remlinger leeway to go off. All season, the veteran reliever hastried to cordon off reporters in the clubhouse. Now, he was usingthose reporters to disseminate his message, which makes him thenewest Cub hypocrite. "You think you put someone in the hospital,then find out he's faking it. To act that way shows a lot about yourcharacter," he said. "I thought it was chicken [bleep]. I wish wewere playing them tomorrow. I think we have some unfinishedbusiness."

Of course, Remlinger conveniently forgot he was the one throwingat Berkman to begin with. And by suggesting there was unfinishedbusiness, he revealed a team mind-set that could be self-destructive. Are the Cubs as concerned about winning as they aresettling scores?

Same goes for their yearlong moping about media. Rather comically,the bane of their existence continues to be Chip Caray and SteveStone, who, on the food chain of tough Chicago critics, are theequivalent of Barney the Dinosaur and a Teletubbie. I've never heardof a player on any team criticizing the company house men. But theCubs have had two dissenters this year in Moises Alou and KentMercker, the latter of whom might want to concentrate on his reliefefforts rather than call the press box in mid-game -- how lame isthat? -- to complain about Caray. I understand why the Cubs would bemad at, say, me for calling them little boys. But Caray is acheerleader who has become even softer since last season. And whileStone breaks down a team's woes as well as anyone, he criticizesplayers with a certain sensitivity. The Cubs hear what they want tohear when they escape to the clubhouse during games. They believethey are treated more fairly on radio broadcasts, which feature themild mannerisms of folksy Pat Hughes and the bleeding-heart rah-rah-ism of Ron Santo.

"Most of them turn down [the sound] and listen to the radio,"Baker said.

Little does he know how that revelation indicts his ballclub asskittish. How are the Cubs supposed to break through to the WorldSeries when they can't handle those vicious bullies, Chip and Steve?

The creative tension, to put it politely, is tolerated and evenencouraged by Baker. But while his track record in pennant races isimpressive, he faces a winter of harsh backlash if the Cubsdisintegrate under their own stress. When Farnsworth responds toanother poor outing and Wrigley boos by heaving his glove into thestands, then kicking an electric fan and spraining his right knee, hedeserves a public lashing from the manager. But Baker won't do it,just as he defended Carlos Zambrano during his nationally televisedmeltdown, Hawkins during his attempted bullrush at an umpire, MarkPrior during his autograph-show flap, Sammy Sosa when Wrigley fansstarted booing him and Alou when he threw a fit and started a chainreaction of emotional breakdowns after the Steve Bartman interlude.

It should be mentioned Baker and his players take cues from afront office that arrogantly is battling Mayor Daley about theCrumbling Confines. When Tribune Co. should be addressing the short-and long-term future of the ballpark and showing great concern aboutfan safety, Cubs boss Andy MacPhail makes wisecracks. "Poor guy,"Daley said. "They should really put a clamp on his mouth."

Actually, buy a box of 25 clamps, please.

Jay Mariotti hosts a sports talk show weekdays on WMVP-AM (1000)from 9-11 a.m. and appears on ESPN's "Around the Horn" at 4 p.m. Sende-mail to inbox@suntimes.com with name, hometown and daytime phonenumber (letters run Sunday).